Is it True, Kind, and Necessary?
Ask yourself these three questions before saying or texting someone.
Before speaking to someone, ask yourself, “Is it true, is it kind, and is it necessary?” If the answers are no, then it is best left unsaid. There is some dispute about who first said this. I have read Socrates, the Pope, and Bernard Meltzer. I have also seen other adjectives added on, like helpful and the order rearranged. In the end, it doesn’t matter. These three questions are essential to ask oneself before speaking, emailing, texting, posting, or tweeting. I am a little more flexible and require at least two of the three, but doing this mental exercise before communicating is vital to healthy conversations and relationships. Let me explain.
The most extreme example is the old one that instructs us when it is okay to lie. Your wife asks, “Do you like my dress?” You may or may not like it. However, to answer with brutal honesty, “No,” is not conducive to marital harmony. It may be accurate, but it is neither kind nor necessary. An alternative would be, “I like the red one much better.” Then you don’t have to lie; it is kinder than a terse no, and it is necessary if you want to make your wife happy.
So much of our communications today is combative, defensive, and arrogant. We respond to texts and questions with lightning speed. Doing so opens the door to hurt…
